Kamal Hassan and I being adult males - let me be courageous here and let you in on a secret - show a healthy interest in: the female bums. Here you are thinking: "You bloody pervert!" I told you, a normal heterosexual male's fascination. Tamil movies have this uncanny knack of projecting the heroine's rear assets full screen. Any average cineaste worth their salt knows this. In one particular movie where he plays dual roles, one of the normal person and the other a midget, takes the cake, for in one particular song the heroine plants her butt right into the midget's face. Ah the pleasures of being a midget where most beautiful things are at eye level!
I was ashamed to know that we were the only two males in the whole of this holier-than -thou world who were obsessed with derrieres. (I swear I am not making it up when I say that the word derriere comes from two English words: 'the rear') But fervent research from my side showed that women were as obsessed with it, though not in the same way as males.
Why do women feel the way they do about their bottoms? Well scientific research has mapped the perception of body image to a particular gene on the human body. So different peeps perceive their body image in different ways. Some perceive it as thin...some perceive it as big...but no woman who truly secretes estrogen would ever perceive her rear to be of the right size. It is always BIG. I doubt if J Lo is ever satisfied with her most glorious asset. I am sure scientists will in the near future, map a separate gene known as the 'bum perception gene' in women and I do sincerely hope they will also find out ways to rectify the anomaly.
So this leads to a very big problem. Buying clothes. The first instant they pick up a new dress, all they are worried about is how their butts would look it in. Would it accentuate it or downplay it? Why is that we males are comfortable with any clothes? Reason: We simply don’t care about how we look with clothes or without. We always look like studs right from age 13 till we step into the grave.
But the women folk are not so fortunate. They have to live with mirrors the size of the walls of the Taj Mahal and that tells them the 'truth' every morning when they ask: “Mirror mirror on the wall...who has the biggest butt of them all.” And the mirror always obliges them by being crystal clear: “You my dear are a fat arse!” And immediately upon listening to this they vent their frustration on whom else but their spouses as if it were he who uttered this eternal truth. I can suggest a small remedy here: Women should stop checking out themselves in the mirror. Till the women grasp this piece of wisdom I'll always be ‘bum’fuzzled.
I was ashamed to know that we were the only two males in the whole of this holier-than -thou world who were obsessed with derrieres. (I swear I am not making it up when I say that the word derriere comes from two English words: 'the rear') But fervent research from my side showed that women were as obsessed with it, though not in the same way as males.
Why do women feel the way they do about their bottoms? Well scientific research has mapped the perception of body image to a particular gene on the human body. So different peeps perceive their body image in different ways. Some perceive it as thin...some perceive it as big...but no woman who truly secretes estrogen would ever perceive her rear to be of the right size. It is always BIG. I doubt if J Lo is ever satisfied with her most glorious asset. I am sure scientists will in the near future, map a separate gene known as the 'bum perception gene' in women and I do sincerely hope they will also find out ways to rectify the anomaly.
So this leads to a very big problem. Buying clothes. The first instant they pick up a new dress, all they are worried about is how their butts would look it in. Would it accentuate it or downplay it? Why is that we males are comfortable with any clothes? Reason: We simply don’t care about how we look with clothes or without. We always look like studs right from age 13 till we step into the grave.
But the women folk are not so fortunate. They have to live with mirrors the size of the walls of the Taj Mahal and that tells them the 'truth' every morning when they ask: “Mirror mirror on the wall...who has the biggest butt of them all.” And the mirror always obliges them by being crystal clear: “You my dear are a fat arse!” And immediately upon listening to this they vent their frustration on whom else but their spouses as if it were he who uttered this eternal truth. I can suggest a small remedy here: Women should stop checking out themselves in the mirror. Till the women grasp this piece of wisdom I'll always be ‘bum’fuzzled.
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