13 years ago to the day, you were snuffed out. Died on me. You fucking bastard. Appa, I know that parents are not immortals. But at 55? Like an animal, not able to speak. Should I have left you to die with the cancer invading your body? The decision to remove the voice box was mine, but I had faith in you. I thought you'll come out of it like the true hero you were to me. But you chickened out didn't you?
My kid has no grandfathers. How terrible is that. And she believes it is your birthday today. Now, you get my goat even more. How I would've loved the kid to grow up with you. The angst that wells in me when I see grandfathers dropping their tiny tots at school. The bloody jealousy! Just when the butter was about to be skimmed, the pot broke, isnt it? And to top it off you sent me too into a kamikaze mode.
I knew you lost your mind after the surgery. I know. Rather I forced myself to know. It was like waking up to seeing milk blue in colour. But would others know? Is the world even designed to look at the larger picture? Oh, the fucking stupid things you did. You were not built to 'enjoy' life. You were always meant to carry the cross. And to see you do those silly things crushed my soul. Here is a man who squandered his wisdom away. Made a complete fool of himself in the last few years of his life. I hate you for that. Today is one day I can do without thinking about you.
One thing has come out of all that shit. You made me what I am today. Primal. Listening to my inner voice. Animalized. Passionate. And whatever fuck. Imagine, if you can get walloped by me, I'll be able to stitch any cunt in a jiffy. Thanks, man, I'm so fucking proud of you. Do watch over our kids. And our mother. You made a crazy out of her too. She has grown up in your shadow but you were the light. It pains me to see her running from pillar to post to satisfy her soul in whatever way she knows. An old dog can't be taught new tricks. Transfer your energy and vibes cosmically to her. You know, when my kid lies over me and I can hear her heart beat. It is scary. I feel your beat. So, you take care wherever you are. I can fend for myself for today. But on other days, you better be on the watch....
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